*and by "people," I mean "teeth"
Woe = me.
No, make that "woe is less than or equal to me." I had thought I might be getting my braces off on Friday, but alas, no. Here they are, cemented still to my teeth. Oh, my teeth! Would I recognize them if I saw them today? It has been so long since they have felt the sun on their enamel. For nigh on two years have their metal shackles kept them from the sweet freedom of certain sweets.
I think they're starting to drive me a little crazy. I feel an odd claustrophobia of the mouth that is really unsettling at times. And on Thursday night, it actually crossed my mind that my orthodontia was receiving communications from other-worldly beings. The phone rang, and when I answered, a disjointed, somewhat androgynous electronic voice spoke, "This IS the UNIVersity OF MinnESOTA ORTHodontic CLINIC CALLING to reMIND you of YOUR APPOINTment tomorROW, FRIDAY, August 24th at 4 o'clock PM."
The voice informed me of a custom of its home world similar to our Earth RSVP, and I politely relayed my intention of attending this meeting by pressing 1 on my phone's number pad.
The faculty adviser to my manly orthodontic student dentist seems to think my teeth could be just a little straighter, and so I must bear this bondage a little longer, the impressions of these metal brackets and wires sinking deeper and deeper into the soft tissue of my mouth. They have to come off one day, right? Right? Until then, I'll keep my teeth to the sky and my ears open for messages from the universe at large. At this point, I wouldn't care so much if they came in peace, just as long as they brought futuristic tooth-straightening devices. Or they could even just knock out all the teeth on Earth so that no one--namely me--is covetous of another's straight teeth EVER AGAIN.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I feel your pain. I'm not sure exactly how long I had to wear my tortuous teeth-straightening braces, but I think it was something like 40 years. Remember, I warned you about the folly of your ways and your covetousness of teeth that were only slightly straighter than yours were. But, oh, no, the call of advanced interplanetary beautifying technology was too strong for you. But what's done is done, and I hope they take your braces off soon. If you just can't take it anymore, crying is very persuasive.
I totally wanted to vote for the intergalactic messaging service doohickey thing, but it won't let me. :(
I also had braces, but not as long and only on my two front teeth. Unfortunately, the cement was so strong that I think the orth------weeeelllll, I probably shouldn't say anything until after you get yours off. :) Good luck!
You're a bastard.
Post a Comment